


If You Can Hold On

by Bandity



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Langst, Mention of ocd behavior, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Team as Family, surprisingly nobody pukes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14260833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bandity/pseuds/Bandity
Summary: “Lance, are you there?”There was a loud, ragged exhale on the other line and Shiro felt his stomach sink. He knew what it sounded like when each of the paladins cried. Lance’s breathing always got pretty choppy.“S-sorry,” Lance stammered.





	If You Can Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, my only contribution to Platonic VLD week. Prompt: Day 4 Individual/Group
> 
> This is a very self-indulgent fic and it was nice to write something that was a bit shorter. 
> 
> This was first posted on my tumblr, but it has been edited a bit before I posted here. Nothing major, just a few words changed or added for flow reasons. 
> 
> Story title from All These Things That I've Done by The Killers

* * *

Shiro’s phone rang. It was something generic that had come as the device’s default setting. Shiro never bothered to customize anything; it drove Pidge and Matt nuts. Keith wasn’t much better, which meant their apartment was mostly empty. They had the bare necessities and there didn't seem to be a reason to crowd things with knickknacks. Keith had never been one to own much and some part of Shiro seemed to be waiting to wake up and find out that their life after the war was some kind of dream or hallucination. Some days, he had a hard time grasping reality. Keith understood that.

Shiro glanced down at the phone and dropped his spoon into his cereal. After a deep breath, he picked it up and put it to his ear. Keith noticed the change in his demeanor and he narrowed his eyes, letting his own spoon lower into his bowl.

“Lance?” Shiro’s tone had that forced calm about it. Lance texted all the time, but he never called. Shiro was met with silence. 

“Lance?” he repeated. Keith tapped the table, shooting a questioning look when Shiro met his eyes, but Shiro only shook his head in response.

“Lance, are you there?”

There was a loud, ragged exhale on the other line and Shiro felt his stomach sink. He knew what it sounded like when each of the paladins cried. Lance’s breathing always got pretty choppy.

“S-sorry,” Lance stammered. 

“It’s alright. What’s going on?“

"I don’t know,” Lance’s breathing hitched. “I don’t know.”

“Alright, take a breath.”

“He okay?” Keith asked quietly. Shiro shook his head again.

“I don’t think so,” he whispered. “Lance, where are you? Are you at home?” Shiro was pushing his bowl out of the way so that he could tap his fingers on the table.

Lance and Hunk shared an apartment across town. It was only a few minutes away, but they still all talked about renting something altogether in the future. For now, they were at least trying to pretend they could be apart from each other. Shiro was trying to make it seem like he was okay with not inhabiting the same living space as them. He tried to ignore the worry that always plagued him. They weren’t at war anymore. He needed to let them live their lives as normally as possible. 

“I’m not home. I’m not- I’m in the parking lot,” Lance finally forced out, panic evident in his voice.

“Which parking lot?”

“Grocery store off Lanning St.” Lance took a huge gulp of air.

“Yeah, you want to tell me what happened?" 

"I don’t know. I just couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?”

“Groceries,” was the clipped reply. 

“Groceries?” Shiro’s brow had furrowed. Keith stood up and walked to the other side of the room.

“I was in there. I was in there and, Hunk’s visiting his family, I was alone. It wasn’t a big deal. Really. But there were all these people. These strangers. I don’t know what happened.” Lance was talking too fast and he choked on the last word.

“Okay, just keep breathing.”

Lance let out a sob. Shiro barely caught the fragile reply. “I can’t.”

“Yes, you can.”

Keith returned and slid Shiro’s car keys towards him across the table. Shiro nodded his thanks. 

“Alright, I’m coming to you.” Shiro stood from his chair.

“I’m sorry…" 

"It’s okay. I’ll be there in five minutes. Keep breathing.” Shiro was heading towards the door, but he stopped to look back at Keith. “Are you coming?”

“Is it okay?”

“Yeah, you can talk to him while I drive.”

Keith didn’t look too sure, but he eventually nodded and followed Shiro out.

* * *

 

 During the drive over, Keith held the phone to his ear and occasionally stated, ‘It’s okay.’ Sometimes, he would repeat something that Lance said, keeping Shiro informed of the situation. It was mostly apologies. 

Shiro pulled his faded silver car into the parking lot. It wasn’t hard to find Lance. There weren’t many cars there in the middle of the week. Shiro parked one space over from him and quickly got out of the vehicle.

Keith followed slowly behind. “Look up. We’re here,” Keith mumbled into the phone before ending the call.

Lance popped his door open, but didn’t move out of the vehicle. Shiro was there in an instant, leaning in close. 

"You’re alright.” Shiro knelt down on the pavement right outside the car.

Lance looked a mess. His face was blotchy and streaked with tears. He had obviously been crying pretty hard. His hair was sticking up from where he had been pulling at it. 

“Can you tell me what happened?” Shiro placed a hand gently on Lance’s shoulder.

“I don’t know!” Lance bit out in frustration. “I was trying to figure out whether or not we needed eggs and I looked over to ask Hunk, but Hunk’s visiting family. That was it. I just couldn’t breathe after that." 

Shiro was nodding. 

"That’s alright. Stuff like that can happen. It’s the worst when it surprises you.”

“I knew Hunk wasn’t there and it’s not like he’s not coming back. I don’t know why I freaked out so bad.” Lance buried his face in his hands. “I’m sorry, Shiro.”

“It’s okay. I wouldn’t want you alone or trying to drive like this, I’m glad you called.”

"Shiro, people are looking.” Keith was leaning against the car, partially blocking Shiro from the rest of the parking lot.

Shiro peered around Keith to see a woman standing frozen. She had been in the middle of putting groceries away.

They got recognized a lot, but most people left them alone. However, there were a few that would always stare. Saving the universe had its drawbacks. Lance had loved the attention at first, but even he grew weary of cameras being shoved in his face after the first few weeks.

Keith hated it. He’d flipped a reporter off early on and the media hadn’t been incredibly kind to him after that. 

“Hey Lance, do you think you can scoot over and I’ll drive you back to our place?”

Lance gave a slow nod. 

“Great. Keith can you drive my car back?” Shiro was already handing the keys over and Keith took them quickly. 

The woman had pulled her phone out. 

Keith was glaring as he stomped back to Shiro’s car, drawing the stranger’s attention away from Shiro and Lance.

Lance clambered over the gear shift and settled into the passenger seat. Shiro got in quickly and turned the engine on. 

He tried to turn the car so that the woman wouldn’t get a shot of Lance crying. That was the last thing Lance needed to go public. 

They were soon driving in silence, the only sound was Lance’s forced breathing. 

“Sorry, Shiro,” Lance choked out.

“It’s alright. It happens.”

“Not in a grocery store. Not for no reason.”

“Hey, no. It can happen like that. You’re okay.”

Lance was pulling at his shirt collar, drumming his fingers along the exposed skin near his neck. He made a noise in the back of his throat. 

“You’re alright. It’s going to be fine.”

Fresh tears slipped down Lance’s cheeks. He didn’t  _want_  to cry anymore. There certainly wasn’t a reason too. He had just been suddenly so frightened. Standing alone trying to do something mundane as shopping. He didn’t know why it had hit him so hard. He had felt like despair had just found him in a moment and, before he could do anything about it, it had swallowed him up. 

His fight or flight had kicked in and he had hurried from the store, leaving his cart in the middle of some aisle. But even after he surrendered to the fear and escaped, he felt like his lungs were still being crushed. He started crying and he really couldn’t stop it. He was so embarrassed and scared.

He was so alone.

With shaking fingers he had dialed Hunk, only to hang up on the first ring. Hunk was with his family. He shouldn’t have to talk Lance through a breakdown. 

Without really meaning to, he’d called Shiro. And even after Shiro had shown up, he couldn’t stop crying.

It was so stupid.

Lance still hadn’t managed to pull it together, by the time they pulled up to Shiro and Keith’s apartment.

“We can sit here for a while if you want.” Shiro suggested, but Lance shook his head. He’d already made Shiro drive him, he wasn’t going to make him pointlessly sit in the car with him.

They made it into the apartment with no problem. Keith had arrived just ahead of them and left the door hanging open. 

Lance saw the half eaten bowls of cereal on their dining table.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered again. 

“You’re fine. Sit down, okay?” Shiro motioned to the couch. 

Lance sank into the cushions. His heart was settling in his chest and his breathing had slowed. He was left with a feeling of humiliation and exhaustion. 

He was so tired. 

“You can lay down, if you want.” Shiro’s voice startled him into alertness; he hadn’t realized that he had shut his eyes.

Lance flopped over onto the couch. He brought his knees up and curled up as best he could. As soon as he stopped feeling like this, he would really apologize properly to Shiro and Keith. 

He let out a shaky breath, tried to ignore the sting in his eyes and the wetness on his eyelashes. 

He felt a blanket draped carefully over him and he swallowed down more of his embarrassment. 

“Just breathe. It’s okay.”

Lance tried to pretend he wasn’t quietly crying into the couch cushion.

“It’s alright. It’s alright.”

Lance felt the slight weight as Shiro sat on the floor and leaned back, pressing his back into the cushions. 

They stayed like that for a long time. Shiro was talking quietly about nothing important. He was just filling up the emptiness with words.

“Hunk, always has to check the lock on the door at our apartment.”

“What?” Shiro asked, startled by Lance’s voice.

“He checks it like eight times. The stove too. He has to be sure. He wasn’t like that before we got back.”

“People deal with things in their own way,” Shiro said slowly. 

Lance shut his eyes. He needed to explain and apologize again. 

"He’s only gone for a week. I was trying to stock the kitchen for him before he gets back tomorrow.” Lance’s voice caught, but he forced his next words out. “I couldn’t even do that. I’m so s-sorry.”

“Hey, I don’t mind.” Shiro turned to look at Lance more directly. “I’m glad you called me. Really. Okay?”

“Okay.” Lance scrubbed at his eyes harshly. 

Shiro nodded and leaned back against the cushions again. “Good. It’s going to be alright.”

Lance could feel the warmth from Shiro's back. It was soothing and he felt safe there.

Lance took a deep breath.

* * *

 

He didn’t really think he had slept, instead it was more like his mind drifted. He thought about home, he thought about his family. He thought about space and Voltron and Coran and Allura and all the little moments that they spent together. 

It wasn’t that he wished for the time of war, but nothing seemed right, Earth wasn’t the same anymore. Home wasn’t the same. 

Lance’s eyes fluttered open when he realized someone was messing with his hair. Pulling it all to the center and making it stand straight up. 

He was struck by the familiarity of it.

“Pidge,” he murmured. 

“Hey,” she whispered. “How are you?”

“Okay… How-why are you here?”

“Keith texted me. He wanted me to go to the store with him.”

“You drove all the way out here, just to go to the store?”

Pidge lived with her family in the next city over. It wasn’t a long drive, but it wasn’t convenient. 

“Well, Matt dropped me off. Besides, I haven’t seen any of you in a few weeks. It’s weird.”

“Weird,” Lance repeated. 

“Anyway, Keith and I picked up bread and eggs and some other basic stuff. I don’t know what else you were trying to get at the store, but we got those chips that Hunk likes too.” Pidge was smoothing Lance’s hair back down now. “We got some candy and stuff too. You up for a movie night? We thought we could do a sleepover.”

“Yeah, okay.” Lance shut his eyes. Maybe it was okay to at least pretend to be alright.

* * *

 

They spent the night watching bad horror films and eating junk food. It was so normal, Lance could almost forget that his breakdown was the cause for the gathering. He tried to apologize again, but Pidge knocked him sharply on the head. “Don’t. We’ve always helped each other out. You would have done the same.”

Lance went quiet for a long time after that. Pidge was nestled next to him and they were both on the verge of falling asleep, when he spoke again.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” Keith mumbled from his spot, stretched out on the floor. Pidge grinned. Keith was drifting off to sleep as well and he didn’t look like he was aware of his own response.

“Love you, guys,” Pidge whispered with a smirk.

“Uh-huh,” Keith shifted and let out a snore. Lance let out a soft laugh.

“Love you too, Pidge,” Lance said with a smile as he drifted off.

Shiro turned the TV off when it was obvious that they had all finally fallen asleep. He placed a blanket over Keith and moved to the dining table where he could keep an eye on all of them. Unable to sleep, Shiro kept watch late into the night.

* * *

 

 Hunk showed up in the morning at the apartment in a state of confusion. He had been picked up from the airport by Matt (which was a surprise on its own) and had been informed that everyone was over at Shiro and Keith’s place.

When they showed up, it was obvious that Shiro hadn’t slept and Hunk and Matt only got him to leave to go to bed because they promised to keep an eye on everyone. Hunk also promised to make breakfast and put some aside for Shiro for after he woke up. Hunk's cooking was always an added bonus.

Soon, everyone was waking up to the sounds and smells of bacon, eggs and fresh pancakes cooking.

Hunk hugged Lance tightly after his friend managed to untangle himself from the blankets and come stumbling toward him. He didn’t really understand why Lance was apologizing to him.

“Hey, you’re okay. I’m glad to be back.” Hunk motioned to the plates he had set out. “Help yourself, okay?”

Soon they were all talking and laughing. Shiro could hear them from his room. His team was together again. This was the closest he had felt to peace in a long, long time.

With a smile, he drifted back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. I hope everyone is having a good week!


End file.
